Ep.2/ Becoming a mom

Jul 28

The story of how I became a mother

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Becoming a mom is the most rewarding and best experience of my life on earth so far.

I became a mom at 32, after being a nursing student, graduating and working as a Registered Nurse for over 6 years.

I have always felt like a mother in this life, since birth, I had to take care of other’s emotional needs and I felt and was in a motherly role.

First it was to my mother and father, then, to my siblings and grandparents, taking care of other people felt natural, good and always gratifying.

I became a nurse because my dream in life was to help people, and, again, it felt that I was in a motherly role, caring for my patients as I would for my own children, always being there for them emotionally and physically.

I had a knowing that I would eventually become a mother, but, I kept attracting people who would abondon or hurt me, and, it felt not in the cards for a long time.

I knew I didn’t want to become a mother until it felt right, and it was with the right person.

I was always being asked if I wanted children, and I would say yes when it becomes the right time, I was not in a rush, plus, it seemed that I could not find the right person to be with, so pursuing my career and advancing in it seemed the right thing at the time.

I pursued travel nursing, traveling to different job sites, hanging out with friends most days of the week, having fun, learning and pursuing my passions such as yoga, traveling, spending time with friends, reading and writing.

At one of the job sites I met a boy who was working with me, and, he pursued me and we started dating quickly after. We moved in together in San Diego and bought a cute French bulldog puppy. I felt that my life is complete, until, one day, after several months of signs from the universe, a strong desire to become a mom revealed itself to me.

All of the sudden, all I wanted is to become a mom, my career seemed not important, friends, hanging out, nothing seemed to matter, all I wanted was to become a mom.

It’s funny how sometimes you don’t even know how badly you want something in life until you are denied that same thing.

I expressed to my then boyfriend that I have the desire of becoming a mother, and, he kept repeatedly pushing it away, as if that was uninportant and miniscule and, I was being ridiculous to want such a thing.

To him, also the idea of marriage was not on his mind at all. Needless to say I felt extremely heartbroken and I had no idea what to do, do I break up with him, or do I let go of this dream and desire that I so strongly wish for?

I knew that I wanted to be with someone who also desired the same things as me, marriage and children, a lifelong commitment to each other and to our future generation. Also, I knew deep in my bones that I wanted to have children only with someone who also wants children.

After over a year of arguing with my ex boyfriend, we broke up, I could not see a future with a man who could not give me what I so desperately wanted and needed.

I knew it was over as soon as he told me No to having children or getting married, but, it took me over a year to actually make the decision of separating.

My whole life crumpled at once, my career felt it was ending and I felt I could no longer work as a RN anymore, my relationship ended, and I moved to Joshua Tree in the hopes to find myself and to figure out what to do next.

I was 30 years old and felt like a complete failure, how could the past 10 years of my life, having worked so hard at something end so suddenly, and, I had no idea what to do next.

I felt completely alone and isolated, and for those 3 months I lived in Joshua Tree, I begged God to show me the way every single day.

I kept working on my spiritual business in the hopes to attract the right clients to me and to help them, all, while myself struggling to figure out what to do next, how to pay my bills and to navigate my new world.

I emptied out my 401k account to live, but, the money was spent way too quickly, and, after 3 months of living on my own, I had accumulated a bunch of credit card debt, was quickly drowining in debt and, still had no success at all at making money in my business.

An opportunity to go to Costa Rica and drink ayahuasca presented itself, and, even though I could not afford it, I put the trip on a credit card and went. It felt that I needed to go to know what to do next, it felt like the only lifeline I had in my life.

On this trip, I met a girl who was also a burned out nurse and who told me of a doctor who helped her fill out the necesary paperwork for state disability, and gave me his information.

As soon as I got back from Costa Rica, I went to see this doctor who helped me as well.

I then, moved to Clovis, California on a ranch in a small casita, as the rent was only $1000 and I dreamed of living on a farm/ranch style property.

My French bulldog and I enjoyed life on the ranch very much, however, the next 2 months were really challenging for me, as I ran out of funds, maxed out all of my credit cards and my disability claim was still processing, so, I could not get a job, I was being forced to be in a limbo situation until my disability claim would be approved.

I kept praying, hoping and being hopeful that everything would work out for me, financially, spiritually and physically.

All I wanted at this point in my life is to meet the right man who would become my husband, and, who would provide for me, and give me the gift of becoming a mother.

A lot of people would call me crazy for being such a radical person, and believing in myself so much, for thinking that my business would work out if I quit my nursing job, for pursing this business and lifestyle even though I kept failing, and, for thinking I would meet a man so quickly .But, it all felt right to me, even the struggles felt right and that they were necesary for me to undertake.

All of the sleepless nights and days spent crying, I felt it was the right thing for me, and that, if I endure this, it will all be okay soon enough.

One day, after many hours hassling with the disability office, I was approved, and, it felt like a miracle coming true. I received a $5000 deposit into my bank account that same day, and, I literally did not know what to do with myself, I felt like I was flying driving home.

All of the sudden evrything was all right, I could afford rent and groceries again, I could even get a new battery to my car and buy an Innout burger again, life felt like I was on cloud 9.

After several days, I received a notice in the mail that I had to go visit the doctor again to update my claim.

I made the ardous 6 hour drive to see my doctor at the time, as he was in Southern California, and, booked an aibnb nearby for the night as I did not want to drive back the same day.

I drove 6 hours, and waited 2 hours to see my doctor, after that I grabbed early dinner and headed to my aibnb for the night.

Driving up to the place was a beautiful long dirt road, and I arrived safely there around 5 pm or so, right around as the sun was setting.

A beautiful, strong man with long hair and beard approached me right as I was coming out of the car.

It really felt like a dejavu moment in my life, as if I saw this man before, and, all time stopped still. He came up to me and introduced himself: Hi, my name is John.

Hi, John, my name is Cristina, I said.

Then, a litter of puppies ran up to me and welcomed me, it was the most beautiful thing.

We ended up talking for several minutes, climbed up to a tree house he built and I kept asking him important questions such as: what are you doing here John?

I felt that it was love at first sight.

I went into the house to rest up, took a shower and ate dinner, then, I noticed my charger was missing, I then, went outside to look in the car, and noticed the man sitting in front of the fire place in front of the house, and I asked: what are you doing here , chilling?

We ended up talking around the fire for many hours, he brought us doughnuts he had and a bottle of wine, and we star gazed into the night, hanging out with his dogs and talking like old friends.

He was comforting and easy to talk to, I fell deeply in love and he kissed me at the end of the night.

The next day, I woke up and saw him outside and we ended up having coffee and breakfast together.

He said to me: Make sure you never go to another aibnd and always come back here.

And, I asked: what will you do for me if I come back here?

He said: I will build you a house.

And, that was it, I felt that he was my husband, we talked of marriage a children on that first night.

To some it may seem crazy or sudden, but, it felt right.

Two weeks later, I came back to visit and ended up staying a whole week, then, 2 weeks later I moved into his home with his daughter.

We got married 6 months later, and had our first baby boy 6 months after. Now, I am pregnant with my second baby boy.

Our worldwind romance is beautiful and my favorite thing in the world, I am so happy that I waited to meet the man of my dreams, who gave me everything that I desired and much more.

I am so grateful to God for helping me to see the truth and to not dispair, to be hopeful and, to keep pushing even when things got gloomy and dark in my life.

I’m so grateful to God for helping me to achieve my dreams and goals, and to meet the most wonderful man who made me a wife, and a mother.

Come back next week to read about how it has been to become a new mom.

Thanks so much for reading this, I wish you the very best in life.

Much love, my friends